Today I jumped ship. Abandoned my post.
Headed north with Jacob and Beau and didn't look back.
This last week, although not even half way done, has been a doozy. I've felt lost, unsatisfied with what I've done at the end of the day, upset at myself for loosing my temper with my kids, more upset for not enjoying my God-given gift of motherhood.
Inspired by the Hobby Lobby coupon in my inbox and needing a picture frame, I headed up to crafter's heaven and children's hell. It's never fun for them, no matter what you do.
That store will put horns on your angel child faster than cotton candy.
While waiting for the lady to cut all of my fabric at a snail's pace, Jacob discovered measuring tapes that have a button to instantly rewind the tape. He wanted it and seeing it was a dollar, I relented. We picked out a blue one for Jacob; he said Bekah would want one later and it would have to be purple.
At the check out lane he fell out of love with his measuring tape and wanted a candy bar instead.
"Jacob, if you don't want this measuring tape I'm not going to buy it for you.
"Do you want it?"
No, he said, convincingly.
"You can't have any candy, though."
I paid for the rest of my things and then tried to leave. Jacob realized he was leaving empty handed and had a fit. Sometimes when he has a fit he cries so hard he can't breathe. Then his lips turn blue, his face loses all color, his eyes roll back and he falls on the floor. Then I blow in his mouth and he breathes, and an awesome cry welcomes color back to his face. Not this time. This time he was yelling bloody murder and I was grateful.
No passing out is a good thing.
I buckled Beau in the van, loaded my goodies, and miracuously kept my cool as Jacob managed to get in his seat, yelling, "I NEED TO GO BAAAACK!".
My insides were feeling super defeated, like this is exactly why I feel trapped sometimes.
As I walked around the van to get in my seat, a woman parked adjacent to me, and obviously a witness to the whole thing said,
You're doing a good job.
You're so patient.
This will pass.
You're doing a good job!
She might as well have been an angel. That was just what I needed to hear. I got in the van and cried, but not sad tears, grateful ones.
I am well taken care of.
Headed north with Jacob and Beau and didn't look back.
This last week, although not even half way done, has been a doozy. I've felt lost, unsatisfied with what I've done at the end of the day, upset at myself for loosing my temper with my kids, more upset for not enjoying my God-given gift of motherhood.
Inspired by the Hobby Lobby coupon in my inbox and needing a picture frame, I headed up to crafter's heaven and children's hell. It's never fun for them, no matter what you do.
That store will put horns on your angel child faster than cotton candy.
While waiting for the lady to cut all of my fabric at a snail's pace, Jacob discovered measuring tapes that have a button to instantly rewind the tape. He wanted it and seeing it was a dollar, I relented. We picked out a blue one for Jacob; he said Bekah would want one later and it would have to be purple.
At the check out lane he fell out of love with his measuring tape and wanted a candy bar instead.
"Jacob, if you don't want this measuring tape I'm not going to buy it for you.
"Do you want it?"
No, he said, convincingly.
"You can't have any candy, though."
I paid for the rest of my things and then tried to leave. Jacob realized he was leaving empty handed and had a fit. Sometimes when he has a fit he cries so hard he can't breathe. Then his lips turn blue, his face loses all color, his eyes roll back and he falls on the floor. Then I blow in his mouth and he breathes, and an awesome cry welcomes color back to his face. Not this time. This time he was yelling bloody murder and I was grateful.
No passing out is a good thing.
I buckled Beau in the van, loaded my goodies, and miracuously kept my cool as Jacob managed to get in his seat, yelling, "I NEED TO GO BAAAACK!".
My insides were feeling super defeated, like this is exactly why I feel trapped sometimes.
As I walked around the van to get in my seat, a woman parked adjacent to me, and obviously a witness to the whole thing said,
You're doing a good job.
You're so patient.
This will pass.
You're doing a good job!
She might as well have been an angel. That was just what I needed to hear. I got in the van and cried, but not sad tears, grateful ones.
I am well taken care of.
4 comments:
Children do sometimes make you feel like a failure but there will come a day when they will be so glad you were their mom and treated them the way you did. I bet you are a great mom.
Oh, I feel for you! I have these moments every day myself, as I imagine most mom's do. And try as I might they still rattle me. It is so hard not to give in to what they want and just make it stop!!!! I am so glad you had an angel there to remind you of what a wonderful mother you are.
That is the most reassuring story ever. It's okay to let kids cry and throw their stinkin' fits.......and even the stranger lady agreed. I love her, whoever she is.
Oh blessed angels sent from you know who. Keri, it is still amazing to me every time my prayers are answered, even when I don't pray. You are an incredible mommy, especially in those tough only-moms-can-know circumstances. If I had wings, I would come and remind you of that VERY often. You are amazing. You are doing a great job!! I reiterate what Ashley said...I love this woman, whoever she is...
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