Consider Yourself Informed.

If you've never heard Beau cuss someone out, it is quite a treat, let me tell you. His voice goes low and raspy and he uses the most profane gibberish I have ever heard. Heaven help the poor soul (usually Jacob) who opposes him...a clenched right fist is sure to follow! Just had to tell you that. It is hilarious and absolutely irrelevent to the rest of this post.

I've been thinking lately about how it is no longer acceptable to just do one thing at a time. You will run the risk of being called lazy or selfish, not to mention that it will take twice as long to do anything. So while eating dinner make sure you are also thinking up a "Solid, Liquid, and Gas," for your daughter's homework (along with spelling out each word and answering random questions like "How many is 99?" You tell me. Really.); be sure to fold each piece of laundry twice (I'll loan you Beau, he is great at unfolding and trying on everyone else's clothing);... sweep the floor while talking on the phone (no-brainer); drive and talk on the phone (whoops! No NO! TICKET!); make rolls while making jam while baking cookies while planning (and even executing) dinner; dry your hair while the kids bathe, heck read a book while drying your hair and applying makeup and watching the kids splash water and make each other furious while bathing; take the dog on a "walk" while you ride a bike with your son riding in the rear bike seat; balance said bike while being cut off by said dog, then drop said bike and son and curse dog and look up to see ten onlookers watching the cursing wailing circus and hesitantly offering assistance; deny assistance and drag said circus home; clean your bedroom while blogging and facebooking and email-checking while playing trucks while reading "The Smoke Jumper" while wishing that your dog could massage your feet instead of lick them...

And if you ever catch yourself doing absolutely nothing, like just laying on a couch, by yourself, without any distractions, surrounded by quiet and stillness...well just keep that sort of thing to yourself .

Just kidding. Gloat, brag, bombard your friends and loved ones with the tale.

They won't believe you for a second. And if they do, they'll wonder what the heck your kids were doing in that five seconds.