On My Mind...

I guess I've been a little nostalgic lately. Well, that and I've been trying to jump start my horrible memory by reading my old journals. I used to keep a journal really really well. My amazing friend Lindsey was an inspiration to me in high school of journal keeping and I tried really hard to follow her footsteps. So I've been looking over my old journals, remembering long-forgotten events and feelings and getting a little chuckle over the "drama" of my life. I think everyday I used to write, "I need to do so much better tomorrow." Yep, that could pretty much sum up all of my teen years. I got pretty sick of reading that and so I pulled out my current journal and wrote, "I am doing the best that I can." I think I can thank Rus for helping me relax my perfectionistic drive. I was really on a roll and maybe that's one of my regrets. Mistakes are human, commonplace, necessary. It is impossible to get it all right, everyday. I think it's important to give thanks everyday for the things that I do get right and not lose sleep over the rest of it. (I should embroider that on my pillow case, huh!)
One piece of paper stuck in the pages of 1999 had "10 things that I want to have done in 10 years." It was fun to read because I'd actually accomplished most of them, like "Marry a wonderful man" and "Have beautiful children." Check. Check. Some of them are still challenges to be met, like "Make a sculpture out of ice cream," and "Try all 31 flavors." One other one does not hold the same importance that it used to: "Learn to water ski really good." I think I'll be okay if I don't cross that one off.
Other things made me laugh, like this from when I was 14 or 15...
"I miss Amanda and James so much. But I don't miss Jared because he's on his mission and that's okay."
Or..."I wish Amanda could come visit. But not Jared because he's on his mission and I know that's where he's supposed to be." Ha!
And I can't even count the number of times I wrote that I had gotten in a fight with Tyler! (Mostly from when I was 9, 10, 11-ish.) Everyday! It's especially funny because I love him so much and we have so much fun together. He is totally amazing and available and isn't married simply because I haven't found anyone worthy of him. :) (j/k)
So all this looking back has made me super-aware of the now. I think all the little things are the most important. Like...Jacob got new shoes. They are spiderman and they light up and they cost twenty bucks. That's how much I plan to spend on my own shoes, not a three-year-old's! But he will wear them everyday for at least six months and he will love them. They turn his ordinary toes into SuperToes and he can run faster and jump higher in them, so it's totally worth it.
Bekah was helping me get ready the other day and wanted so badly to wear all of my makeup. She said she needed sparkly lips so that she could look pretty. Ah, Bekah girl, you are perfect and beautiful and overflowing with sparkle!
Rus went to work late this morning because I have a horrible, horrible, nose-chapping sinus infection and Beau was up all night and I needed some extra sleep. Actually he just stayed home because he loves me. I hope he knows that meant a lot to me. (And he probably saved our kids from a firm, raspy-voiced, talking to because they can be so ornery in the morning!)
And Beau is my sunshine. Seriously. I know one day he will hold the power to make me feel like going crazy, but right now he is nothing but sunshine. I think a lot of it has to do with being the third kid. I stressed over every little thing with Bekah, raced past Jacob's milestones without looking, and now I'm in a position to relax and just enjoy being with Beau. I am really having fun with him and I consider his personality a gift from my Heavenly Father.
Hmmm...I think that is all that was on my mind. I hope you don't mind the ramblings and I wish you a happy day!