I've had a lot of thoughts going on in my mind with the start of this new year...like what my goals should be this year, what it means to be a good mother, what I should be doing better for my children, what kefir is, what new places I want to visit and experience this year...
I have so many projects I would like to work on and so many things I would like to be successful at that I am a little worried that I'll do a mediocre job at all of them. I have decided that really successful people in history have such a singleness of mind on a particular subject that they think about it, work on it, and pursue it constantly. And because of their extreme devotion to that particular thing, they become a master of it. Artists, inventors, explorers, even politicians...the extremely successful ones are so because they devote their hearts and minds to the advancement of their interests.
I am afraid I am never going to be a successful artist, because I cannot yet narrow all the focus of my mind and heart to making a great piece of artwork. And I'm not going to be an extremely, crazily fit person because I have no desire to hyper focus all my time and energy to becoming so. I am never going to be a rousing civic leader because I have no concept of politics and no desire to learn. I am not going to be a stellar interior designer because a small part of me finds decorating to be frivolous (both in regards to time and money). I could name a hundred more roles I will never play.
But I can be a good artist and a healthy person and involved in my community. I can still develop a "good eye" when it comes to designing and decorating a home.
I am realizing that I don't mind being just okay at somethings, but there are other things that I do want to be successful at.
When my kids are ten, twenty, forty, ninety-nine, I want them to say that I am/was an amazing mother. That I loved them deeply and was their advocate at every turn. (I'm counting on the golden glows of their memories to help my lesser qualities fade away...) I want them to say I was stalwart, diligent, and valiant. I want them to say I was gracious and loved them unconditionally. I don't think I'll be okay with much less.
I also want to be successful at developing a strong and deep and well-rounded testimony. I think that is one area where, even with everything going on in my life, I can have a singleness of mind to pursue it and devote my heart and mind to advancing it. I want to be unshakeable. I want to be unwavering. I want to love people like Christ does. I don't think I'll be okay with much less.
That is what I want. Deep down. Maybe this year I'll get a little bit closer to becoming that kind of person...
1 comment:
I cry, I cry. I knew we were soul sisters.
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