Poop, Snow Man, and the Rubber Hand Man

There is a walmart bag with dog poop in it on my front doorsteps, humiliating me each time I open the door, welcoming each unknowing visitor. I'm dreading that someone will pick it up and hand it back to me...But then ten seconds later the door closes and I forget about it, and that is why it is still there, almost two full days after being cast out.
Good thing the cold weather negates the smell. Yuck.
Our dog really stinks.
Bekah had a substitute at school today. The second I saw her after school I knew something was up, and I will admit I was a little surprised to hear that according to Bekah, "he (the substitute) was electrocuted and they had to cut off his hand and now it's rubber and he took it off to show us, but I didn't look because I was scared, and there was a bone sticking out and he could turn his hand all the way around on his wrist."
Wow. This guy really upped the ante on Subs, now didn't he.
That's hard to beat.
As Bekah told me this gruesome/funny story she was coloring a picture for her favorite Disney Princess magazine. Kids can submit drawings of their favorite princesses, and so despite never having watched the show, Bekah drew Snow White. With a blue dress. Standing in the snow.
With Snow Man.
Does anyone else find that ridiculously funny and witty, or is it just my parental pride seeping out?
I have to go now, I had a late run to Walmart and it was only ever so slightly traumatic, as in I forgot my list and had to remember everything, which is impossible, thus necessitating a LIST, which I FORGOT. Urg...So as I pounded the aisles in frustration, throwing food in the cart on top of Jacob, who was trying to sleep using the loaves of bread as a blanket, Bekah consoled me by saying very frankly, "But we have to buy food or we'll die."
True. Very true.
So because of that trauma Rus is going to give me a back massage. I'd be crazy to sit here chattin' with you yahoos.
Catch ya later. :)

Earwax and Motorcycles

My kids' ears are full of earwax. They really need to be cleaned out. When I am speaking to Jacob I have to repeat everything I say. Everything. Twice. Two times. I tell ya, it will be a relief to finally go deaf when I'm old.
As my last post let on, I was able to spend V-Day with Lindsey. (Check out her post here for the dirt...) And we had a really, really great time. In fact it was slightly depressing to come home to my real life of laundry and grumpy kids. I had to remind myself that I had just had the ideal weekend, and of course coming back down to earth would be difficult, as would the switch from sleeping in to waking up at 6am everyday, and having to be grown up and serious. Everyone needs a girlfriend they can roll on the floor laughing with, and Lindsey was mine last weekend.
When I got home Beau couldn't stop laughing and saying "Mama!" He gave me the best hugs and showed me his new expanded vocabulary of "No! Nnnooo!" Bekah and Jacob claimed the gifts that Lindsey had given me - Bekah took my wand and Jacob took my red and black mug with a heart on it. So I ate the cookies I had brought home for them from Paradise bakery. Yum.
Anywho...Rus took me out on his (as in his Dad's) dirt bike yesterday. It was my second time riding it and I had a blast! I was able to get the hang of shifting, turning in sand, and re-starting it every time I *theoretically* ran into a sagebrush or got stuck in sand. The bike has a kick start and I could not start it for the life of me the first day I practiced. But yesterday with all the stalling out I did I think I figured it out...that is until the last time, which is the reason why Rus had to walk an extra - um I'll say 100 yards - to fetch the bike for his turn. I yelled at him to not make starting it look too easy, but he couldn't help himself. Booger. Now he's sweet talking me with things like "motorcycle safety course" and "pink helmet." And I'm letting him. What would my mother think of me now?!
Mmmm...We sold our Jeep Liberty yesterday night. A man with English as a sketchy second language seduced Rus with an envelope full of cash - hundreds, fifties, twenties, tens, and perfumed ones. Lots of them. I have a feeling it won't be too long before Rus buys himself a motorcycle. He's been waiting so patiently to have cash in hand, so now he just needs to find himself a good deal.

By the way, that article I was telling you about, the one with me as the author, is coming out on Tuesday. Eek! I'll share the link with you then! (In the meantime, I really need to subscribe to the magazine!)

The Sombrero on the Wall

So Lindsey and I have been reunited again for V-Day. We are joint-posting...Say hi, Lindsey...

It's 10:42 on Sunday night and we have spent the last two hours hanging pictures on the wall in her office-room. She has over a dozen that she wanted to hang and they are UP. And beautiful. And one is stubbornly crooked and pesky. See picture.See the beautiful little black circle which is really a sombrero? This will not be funny to you, I am sure, but here is the conversation that went into that little gem getting hung...

"Lindsey I think you need something small to fill in that space there."
"I have a sombrero we could use."
(I can't see right now...still funny...tears!)
"Is it a baby one?"
HAhahahahahaa!!

Oh my.

Lindsey here: What a magnificent feat (feet). To see a barren wall go from nothing to something...quite remarkable I must say, and I couldn't have done it without my Keri!! I may have given up so much earlier had she not been here. I am sure I would have ended up with one or two or perhaps...eek...even three pictures that would not be evenly hanged (ye, that is the word...thank you Mrs. Williams) on the wall.

See, the way I normally hang pictures is purely by guesswork. I put the picture on the wall where I want it to be, then I place my finger on the wall and then mark where my finger was with a pencil. And viola. A perfectly, or not so perfectly hanged picture. (This is how Keri hangs pictures - the Make It and Love It Way, see link on right...with tissue paper outlines...see how Keri is the slave?)

Case and point, Keri and I were trying to hang a piece of art using a ribbon. I crudely marked the sides of the poster where I thought there should be holes. See, the holes act as the place where I could weave a ribbon in and out to accentuate and give life to my Paris picture. Keri had stepped out of the room for a moment, and I thought "HAZAA time to show her my artistic skills." You try keeping up with this woman. I proceeded to mark on the picture where the holes would go. I started on one side, Keri rejoined me and began marking the other side...and began giggling at how the marks did not at all match up to the other marks I had made. With that, we burst into a fit of laughter wondering how in the world I marked one side...here is how the conversation went:

"Lindsey, how exactly did you measure this?"

"I started from the middle and went out."

Even now, it sounds so logical, right. Alas...the little pencil ticks did not lineup...by the end of the event we had to designate the correct pencil ticks from one another by using a star...because I didn't have an eraser to erase all those other accurately ;) measured ticks. Needless to say Lindsey-Logic lead to 6 ticks on one side and 27 ticks on the other...and still no eraser, don't get too close -k.

More fun stories to come. Like how absurdly good Lindsey is at math, measuring, and punching holes.

The not so perfect day

"Mom! We need our whistles! We could whistle for pigs to come over so we could kill them! And eat them! We need our gun, right?"

This was Jacob's loud and slightly disturbing revelation as we drove yesterday to the Rio Grande, about 10 minutes from our house. We had decided to get the kids out of the house for a walk, but we didn't feel like driving forever for an adventure. So Rio Grande it was.
I went on a cleaning binge yesterday morning, vacuuming the carpet where Colonel had shredded various items, like a tissue, a foam sword, and Bekah's old homework. In the process, the vacuum decided to disperse the sucked-up tissue all over the floor. Realizing that something was not right, I turned the churning vacuum over just in time for it to spit dirt all over Beau's face. Ouch. Then I realized that there were several levels of clog-ed-ness in my vacuum and employed desperate measures - the air compressor in my garage. It worked slightly better after all the filters were blown out. Just slightly...like it actually sucked a little. Yuck. I hate the fact that to have truly clean carpet I have to drop more dollars than I did for this vacuum at Walmart...like hundreds of dollars. (Although not thousands like the door to door Kirby people tell me.)
Mmmoving on, so did I also explain that the reason I had to clean the carpet was so I could move all the chairs from my kitchen into the living room so that I could sweep? There are levels of dirt on my kitchen floor. The first level is Mac&Cheese. This is where Beau or Bekah or Jacob clean off their plates while dispersing every fifth bite to the floor. I don't clean anything at this level. Colonel does.
The next level is ToeKick level. This is where my floor appears clean because all of the dirt has been somehow kicked to the toekick under the cabinets, and it only annoys me if I'm sitting at my table and I can see it.
Next up is BakingDay level. This is where my floor is sprinkled with residual chocolate chips and puffs of flour and grainy beds of sugar...where bread crumbs from dinner have slid off the counter onto the floor and odd ends of carrots or bell peppers dress everything up with orange and red. I usually sweep when it gets to this level because I hate the feeling of bell peppers stuck to my socks.
And the best level of them all is Colonel/Kids PostBakingDay, where the above mentioned mess is found among deserted books, toys, lonely socks and abandoned cups. And that is where I was yesterday. I'd call this code Red...it requires complete removal of anything mobile so that I can sweep up the rubble and be reminded of the color of my floor. (tanish-brownish-creamish vinyl.)
So no one can blame Rus for being at his wits-end as I up-ended our downstairs...and then to top it off Rus picked up a toy off the floor and Bekah wanted it. So he had her put it away and she just left it on the counter. (unthinkable.) So Rus threw it away, Bekah cried, I brushed my teeth, and we were loaded in the van five minutes later. I think Rus needed a Dr. Pepper at that point, but 10:30 was a little too early to start for him. Not really. He just didn't want to carry it while we walked.
We did our walk. (I love cottonwood trees.)
The kids got whiny/grumpy.
Rus got grumpy/snappy.
I yelled at Rus.
He huffed off with Beau and Colonel.
Bekah and Jacob stuck with me.
We went home, ate lunch, and took naps. Separately.
See? Not every hike ends perfectly. Or every day. (Even if you do get to eat a delicious peanut butter pie at the ward pie night. yum.) It wasn't until we were finally in bed, lights off, that we apologized to each other for being impatient/yelling.
But, my floor is still clean. Mac&Cheese level, baby.

My Life In Ruins...not really

This was our morning yesterday...
Naked Beau sitting on my bed, reading a book...Bekah commandeering Beau's old shoes to brace her crippled bear...Colonel taking a nap on my pillows...and sweater...Insidious pooper. He pooped on the legs of my table. And peed. I know you're sick of hearing about it. Believe me. I know. Oh and he's getting bigger. eek.Bekah insisted on packing lunches for our adventure yesterday. When I went downstairs I found her lunchbox filled with five granola bars, an orange, and three fudge brownies. Apparently those were the essentials. I added to that more real food and seven water bottles along with three winter jackets, gloves, hats, two kelty packs, Colonel, Colonel's kennel and leash and food, and Jacob's toolbox equipped with a batman movie we had rented the day before.
Jacob seemingly woke up in his hiking clothes (actually he did sleep in the same shirt...), complete with shoes and a big boogery smile. I hate how allergies and colds ruin my kids' good looks. Couldn't they just feel rotten but still look adorable, not like a petry dish of germs? Jakey is pretty stinkin' cute here.By 10:04 we were loaded in a clean van (I vacuumed, wowza, when you find an orange rind, a shriveled apple core, and a bald polly pocket, it is time) and headed south to have a picnic in Socorro, visit the New Mexico Tech Mineral Museum, and go for a hike at Ft. Craig.
We had invited anyone we thought would be remotely interested and so we were pleasantly surprised to find two families waiting at the rendezvous point...Carla and Doug and kids, and Scott and Lisa and kids. The park still had lingering snow, but the weather was wonderfully warm and sunny. I think we were all happy to have the sun warm our coats, especially half the kids who won't keep their coats on. I was finally able to show Bekah and Jacob the art of making a snow angel. After playing and eating we visited the Mineral museum which was a perfectly sized room (as in small and contained, one way in, one way out) full of displays of all different types of rocks. Here's Bekahite:
Ft. Craig was about 40 minutes south of Socorro. It was an old Union fort from the mid 1800s. Now all that's left are some crumbling walls - evidence of poor construction if you ask me. We had fun walking the trail around the ruins - the kids took turn holding Colonel's leash and winning skipping contests, whining about being tired and breaking down into tears, falling behind and being carried to the front. Here is Emma, mad at Rus for letting Jacob take a turn with Colonel's leash.On the way home Rus insisted we take the scenic route - meaning frontage roads, back roads, dirt roads, canal roads, and "Are we supposed to be driving here?" roads. I love looking at old homes and buildings, signs and bridges and fences. We drove past the Bosque del Apache, a wildlife preserve and took some neat pictures from there.We had a great time...I love spending time with my family! And that's just the way it's supposed to be, isn't it?

By the way I submitted some essays to a Santa Fe magazine, Tumbleweeds, and they are going to be published next month! I'll keep you posted...yay!

Gran Quarai

Today {actually this past Sunday...this little post has been sitting in the "edit" bin for a couple of days} has been a blissful day. Never mind the dog pooping twice in our kitchen, with a puddle of pee to round out the mess. The weather has tricked my legs into thinking it's spring and I went sans-nylons to church. (Who am I kidding, I rarely wear nylons, but whatever, it is that beautiful outside.) My parents and Amy, Mike & entourage are visiting and despite some syrup mishaps we have had a blast. We went for a hike at some ruins called Gran Quarai - what once was a Fransiscan monestary over 300 years ago. What was Bekah's favorite part? "Ice skating" on some ice in a poorly sunshined part of the ruins. The kids also loved scooping up icy pieces of snow and throwing them at their uncle Mike, fighting over who got to hold Colonel's leash, and saying "I'm hungry!" Amy and Mike have made it a goal to makeout in famous places, and so while Gran Quarai is semi-famous, they made do with a polite little kiss. At least as far as I know. There were a lot of little niches in that place. :) That's the kind of new year's resolutions one should make. Another one of theirs is to eat outside once a month. Amy and I (we, as in she) also made these cute little button hair prettys that turned out so super cute I want to make many, many more. {I love Amy! She is beautiful and smart and creative and patient and so fun to be around! She thinks outside the box and she is so thoughtful of people and special occasions and she is the most honest person I know...if I ask her opinion I had better be ready to hear it. And whatever that opinion might be, she's usually right.}
Hmmm, other parts of my blissful day...I played scrabble with my dad - a tradition - while everyone napped, and I won - also a tradition. j/k. :) {Aquine is not a word, Dad.} Then we went on a walk with Beau and Colonel who happen to be the same age, I think. Puppies are not like babies. They are like 18 month olds - stubborn and persistent and hard on furniture, with leaking problems and a blind eye to discipline. Colonel pees on the floor, Beau spills on the floor. Colonel bites other kids, Beau hits other kids. We yell no to Colonel, we yell no to Beau. Colonel throws up on Rus's sister's doorstep {awesome}, Beau does a similar amount of damage inside. We put up with Colonel because he is adorable, and, well, you get the idea...
And now I must go...it seems this new year is going to require a lot of me and my crafty side. I'm doing the yearbook for Bekah's school. I remind you that Bekah is in elementary school. And they will have a yearbook. Oh well, it will be the most adorable 44-paged thing you've ever seen. As will a party I've been invited (and am honored) to throw for Rus's Grandma's 86th birthday. As will the Art Night at the school ("we don't care what you do as long as you do it...") But...the dresser from a few posts back is very near done and sitting in my living room, in fact. It needs some finishing touches, but I'm not sure what those are yet. I'll post a pic later...So one thing down, twenty million to go.
Right now Jacob needs hugs.
So I'm off...

Girls Night Out

Whilst staying home from church a week ago because my kids had all been "tossin' their cookies," as Rus says, I decided that it was time for a girls night out. I also decided that it was a "make a fancy dinner at my mom's empty house, eat grown up food, play games and make a felted-project-I'd-been-meaning-to-make" kind of girls night.
Yay!
So I called the girls, arranged for Rus to be home, and proceeded to think about a menu every chance I could get. It had to be girl food. It had to be grown up food. It had to be amazing and mouthwatering, and of course the dessert had to be rich and chocolatey. So here's what I came up with...
Thai Chicken and Nectarine Salad (which Tyler and my mom swore was amazing. Looking at the ingredients, I wasn't sure how it would come together, but trust me, it was delicious!)
Coconut Shrimp with Fiery Mango Sauce
Chocolate Bundles with chocolate ganache and homemade whipped cream.After filling ourselves, accenting each bite with a "yum" or "mmmm!" we played Ticket to Ride which was very fun. And I won, gold star for me. :) Then we made pincushion cupcakes out of felted wool from thrift store sweaters.It was a terrific, rejuvenating night and I had a wonderful time. I am blessed with wonderful friends!